New Sparky Chronicle Logo, Said to Impart More of a Masculine Look Photo of Sparky with a Frosty Fizz Cola and Crunchy Critters Candy Bar A Website Chronicling the Day to Day Struggles of a Stuffed Animal Who Believes He's Alive!


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Ralph's Corner

The two photos at right are shown for purposes of comparison. On top is shown Sparky's cousin Ralph's corner. Notice that it is very bland, no windows, white paint, no dust bunnies to play with, etc. All-in-all a very humiliating place to spend very much time, although the small rug will indeed keep a feller's behind from getting too cold and turning into new-monia.
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Sparky's Corner

Now notice how attractive and colorful Sparky's corner is. Nice, colorful woodwork, windows a feller can peek out of, a nearby heating and air conditioning vent with a justable control handle on it, nice floor tiles so a feller don't get no splinters. In short, jest a reel good place to spend time while being punished.

Also, although not visible in this photo, by leaning back slightly, a feller can aktually see the TV without getting caught very bad.

Note: That was Sparky's old outfit before he got his Super Hero outfit, and it wasn't reel cool, but it's all he could find.

Ralph in Sparky's Corner

After seeing how nice Sparky's corner is, Ralph made a special point of getting into trubble on his last visit, and he agrees, Sparky's Corner is the Best Corner by far!
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Bland, uninteresting corner where Sparky's cousin Ralph and others are sent for punishment.
Sparky's colorful, comfortable corner where time-out isn't very bad!
Ralph checking out Sparky's nice corner.

The Turkey ShootPhoto of scrawny turkey that got shot by a camera.

The pitcher at right shows a Turkey that Cathy shot with her camera. I have been trying to find out where to buy the bullets that will fit our camera so I can also shoot certain things that have become pests in the neighborhood.

Frinstance, there was several cats sniffing around the pond and scaring the goldfish. If I would have had some bullets in the camera I could have made them run off. I'm not necessarily thinking about lethal bullets....maybe some regular bullets that would sting them in the rump. I'm afraid lethal bullets would probably result in lethalized cats piling up all over the back yard and maybe also in the front yard or even in the street or neighbor's yard.

Cathy was quick to point out that Canon cameras might use cannon balls, but I'm afraid those would be pretty big to lug around and the camera must be reel big.

If any of you know where I might get some of those camera bullets let me know. Also, maybe they have a throw-away version that comes with the bullets already loaded in for quick action. My cousin Ralph (The guy in the corner in the pitcher above) was supposed to get me some information about those bullets, but he never came through. He blamed it on that his feet are too big to type into the WWW machine, and since he don't have no opposed thumb he can't type with a screwdriver or something like that. I'm sure glad my feet are small enough to use that WWW machine. The only trouble I have is that I can't never member which buttons make the thing come alive so I can use it, and the bullet thing is a big sekert around the house so I can't reely axe nobody without them getting spishious.

I don't have no trubble running the thing that puts things into this website cuz I got that wrote down and nobuddy cares what I do with that as long as I don't never touch any kind of tools or mess with the lektrik stuff.

Oh, Yeah, I think we had that turkey for Thanksgiving and it was pretty good, but it was jest stuffed full of bread crumbs so it musta ate a whole loaf of bread before meeting up with Cathy.  I specially liked the chocolate pie that came for dessert!
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Photo of Sniffy posing in front of his newly constructed rat hole.Sniffy's New Rat Hole

Sniffy took it upon himself to chop a hole in the wall and create his own “rat hole” after watching a particularly good episode of “Tom & Jerry” on the morning cartoon show.

All the others thought it was real cool, and some of the bigger guys were a bit put out about the fact that they couldn’t fit into the hole or the space behind the wall so they din’t think it was such a good idea.

We ain’t got no pitcher of Sniffy in the corner, but you can shore count on Gloria finding out and putting him there for the next 3 weeks during cartoon time.

Sniffy plans to install a heavy duty door pretty soon to keep out cats like on TV.

Also in the works is a bed made out of an empty fish can and other fine furnishings just like on the TV show.

Several of the others were heard saying “It’s sure a nice rat hole, I hope Gloria don’t find out.”
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Photo showing Sparky and Sniffy carefully unearthing the prehistoric rock they found.Sparky & Sniffy Find Prehistoric Rock!

Here is Sparky’s story as told to everybody who didn’t run off.

“Jim told me to just keep digging until I get to the other side, then he went in the house to watch TV. I lost count about how many big spoons full of dirt it took to fill my wheelbarrow and how many wheelbarrow loads I pulled out of there, but it was a bunch. I can only count to 7 by counting both my legs, both my arms, my ears and my tail, so I know it was more than that.”Sparky and Spinnaker digging with the Acme Wheelbarrow.

“Hiram knows how to count to 9 by also counting his eyes, but I din’t have time to learn that yet cuz your sposed to have clean paws before touching your eyes to count them. These things are real hard to learn real good when a feller has a rubber brain that don’t run on batteries.”

“Anyways, when I was almost through to the other side the spoon hit something that was real hard. Since we are so careful about important arkeologikal things like old bones and Pepsi cans, I dug real slow and went in the house and got some paint brushes so I wouldn’t wreck nothing trying to get it out of the dirt. Jim made me hurry up so he could get his work done but I had to be careful like one of them arkelololgist fellows you see on TV so I could preserve history.”

“Jim got tired of waiting and dug up a great big shovel of dirt under the rock and moved everything out of his way. After working for Sparky and Sniffy on the cover of National Houndographic Magazine showing off the Prehistoric Rock they found in the back yard. a cupple of days it turned out that what originally looked like a dinosoure bone was really a prehistoric rock that looked like it mighta been part of a bigger rock tore off by some old dynosoures fighting or some cowboy kids playing with dynamite, and if you look real close there’s a spot that looks like a bullet mighta shot it off.”

"The reel cool thing is that we got our pitcher on the front of the world famous National Houndographic Magazine. The guy that came out was reel cool and reely liked the rock so we let him touch it and look reel close and he din't have to pay nothing."

“It’s real can tell just by looking at it that it might have even came from Mars or somewhere like that, cuz real rocks are round so you can throw them at cats, but this one don’t fly real good cuz it’s so weard.”

“Probably I wood be ready to sell it to a mooseum for about four bucks or something so I could buy all my best friends there favorite dessert from the cheezecake store and the Dairy Queen. Maybe I’ll need more than four bucks for that, though.”

“The other thing we could do is hide it under the couch until it gets older and real valubale and we could mebbe get eight or seven bucks at that time!”

“Anyways, anybuddy that wants 2 see it can axe me and if they don’t tell nobuddy, they can look at it for free or touch it for a penny.”
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Sniffy at WorkSniffy working on shoveling snow off the driveway.

This pitcher shows Sniffy starting to shovel the snow off the driveway. He filled up the Acme Wheelbarrow and I think Leroy took it somewhere to dump it, I think on the neighbor's lawn, and it turned out that the big soup spoon that he was using as a shovel got lost in the pile of snow, so the project pretty much ended right there. Jim finally came home and got out the snow mower and cleaned up the entire driveway in about fifteen minutes, which was considerably quicker than it took Sniffy to jest get into the drift where he was standing fer this pitcher.
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Newest TwinsSpinnaker (L) and Leroy (R), newest twins.

Leroy & Spinnaker became twins recently because of all the things they seem to have in common.

According to Spinnaker (Left), “We’re the same much tall, the same much as fat, the same much smart and the same much cute, so therefore we’re twins.”

Spinnaker, originally from Ojai, California, is said to be able to count to 9 by also counting his antlers in addition to his legs, arms, ears and tail. Hiram has pledged to spend some time with all who are interested in learning to count higher by also counting their eyes, but as you all know, to correctly count your eyes, you need to have clean paws so you don't get dirt in them when you touch them during the counting process.

Leroy (Right) has been counting to 5 for years, but he recently learned how to take off his hat so he can then get to his ears so he can count to 7 easily.
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The New Car

After we got back from our Vacation 2002 the old folks was mad at the car cuz it was too small, specially with all us guys stacked up in the back seat, so they went looking fer a bigger car, but not a Buick or Oldsmobile, or other big car like them Mafia guys ride around in.  Instead, they checked out some of them little vans, but not them ones that keep having transmission problems and leak oil alHonda Odyssey van that the old folks bought.l over the place, or squirt out smoke.

They bought a Honda Odyssey. The pitcher at the right shows one jest like it, 'cept that it isn't gold, cuz it's silver instead, and there ain't no lake in the back of it unless it gets parked in front of a lake like in the pitcher.  The main reason it's silver is that was the only one they had in stock and it would have took a long time to get one that was another color. And, silver was the color Gloria wanted anyway.  It's reel cool, it has remote control doors and door locks, and a special button sticking out of the ceiling that makes the gerage door open and close.  It also has a air conditioner so us guys don't get sweaty this summer if we go for a ride or vacation.

It's also reel big so lots of us guys can go on rides without getting into trubble or getting on nobody's nerves.  It also has dark windows like them little cars with the loud mufflers, but it don't have no loud mufflers or nothing, but it has a reel loud radio that also plays them shiny records that have music on them.  So far everybuddy likes it, so look fer updates herFunny looking bike rack that Jim got for the trailer hitch.e in case one of us gets in trubble or something.

Jim also got a trailer hitch put on the back so then he went and got a Frankenstein looking bike rack so the hitch has something to hold.  I guess it's better on the back cuz if the rack was on the roof the van wouldn't fit in the gerage without hitting the door with the bikes. We heard a guy at a bike shop and he was buying some new bikes and his car roof was all banged up cuz he fergot and pulled into a bank drive-up window and the roof of the place was pertty low and the bikes din't make it.  Neither did the lights at the bank, so he was probably also shopping fer some of them also.

Another Funny Story that I heard while the old folks was buying the new car was a feller came into the showroom where I was sneaking around looking for a good snack that somebuddy might have left unattended somewhere. I'll tell this story as good as I can, but jest from memory cuz I din't have no paper to right it down when it happened.

Anyhow, this feller was reel mad cuz he had jest got his new Honda Odyssey van and jest had it fer a few days when he went to a popular restaurant fer dinner and he got there early so he took the first parking spot right next to the driveway entrance.  It was on a little hill so he put on the hammergency brake (some people call it a "parking brake"), so it wouldn't roll away.

Then when he came out from dinner he backed out of the parking spot into the crowded parking lot and tried to drive out forward, but the car wouldn't move. He tried backing up some more and it went, but then it wouldn't go frontwards again. So he backed up some more and it still wouldn't move frontwards cuz when you put on the hammergency brake it holds the wheels locked pretty good frontwards, but you ken still back up if you push down on the gas pedal pretty far.

By then people was waiting to get out of the parking lot, but he had the entire driveway blocked, and they all decided to blow their horns to make his hammergency brake go off so he could get out of their way, but that din't work. He kept looking for the little handle that lets the hammergency brake turn loose, but he guessed that whoever was sposed to put in that little handle musta forgot it on his car, cuz even with a flashlight he couldn't find it.  About twelve or seven of the people that was trying to get out of the driveway also couldn't find that handle either, not even with one of them BIG flashlights that holds about 17 batteries. One big guy tried to pull on the pedal and make it release, but he jest bent it a little.

Some lady said, "Did you read the directions in your operator's manual?" (Three guys told her to shut up).

By then a couple of them 4-wheel SUV guys got mad and jest took off over the curb and through the lot full of junk next to the restaurant and they was having a reel good time going 4-wheeling and crashing into old stoves and washing machines and refrigerators, but then they got bored and left by driving off over a big pile of old broke up cement that was put there to keep people out of that lot.

Then some guy in a four-wheel-drive little car thought he could follow them cuz he also had four-wheel-drive, but about the time he hit the first piece of junk a tire blew out cuz a piece of metal stuck in it and it was going round and round and hitting his fender and making a lot of noise and the crowd started cheering. He musta been afraid of getting stuck, so he took off reel fast and went fer that big pile of broke up cement and by the time he got over it there was smoke squirting out of everything that smoke could squirt out of and the engine was making a lot of funny noises, and it musta been reel cool, but he did finally get out of that junk lot. He didn't take no time to try for any of those appliances, though.

Back at the Honda Odyssey, people was also getting steamed up and somebuddy went and called the restaurant manager to tell on the guy who was blocking the driveway. The restaurant manager was a reel smart guy, and said, "Everybuddy get out of the way and let me take a look at that hammergency brake."

Somebuddy back in the growing crowd said, "We already tried looking at it. Maybe we need somebuddy that can do something about it."

After some careful looking, the restaurant manager got back out of the car and stood up and his hair was hanging on the turn signal handle. I think the guy called it a wig or something, and everybuddy started laughing, then a voice in the crowd said, "Look, everybuddy, the car jest scalped the poor guy!"

Then somebuddy called the Honda store and got aholt of a lady that told him to jest push the hammergency brake pedal again and it will release.

Then the guy in the showroom was asking about who was gonna pay fer all the damage to the different guy's little four-wheel-drive car that ended up in the junk yard cuz it was too tore up to fix.

The end of the story was that the struktions fer using the hammergency brake are right in the operator's manual in the car, and it told right there how to make it release, so it wasn't nobuddy's fault.

I wonder if anybuddy wants somebuddy to pay fer an old refrigerator that one of the 4-wheel SUV guys might have backed into when they was having fun?? I sure wished I coulda been there!!!
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NEWS FLASH: The new car, new bike rack, and Jim's newest bike, all made Gloria's bike look reel bad, so she finally went and bought a new one!Gloria's new Giant Bike.

It's called a "Giant" Bike, but you don't have top be a giant to buy one, jest have the money. (Although, the guy that stolt Jim's bike [Not this newest one, but the other new one] din't need no money, jest a big pliers thing to cut the cable).  Gloria's new bike is even cooler than her old one, cuz it's got springs in the front thingy that holds the front wheel and also another spring thingy in the pipe that holds the seat. That way you ken drive over all sorts of bad bumps and it don't shake up your bones. And it's got about a hunnert gears so you ken probably drive it right up the side of a mountain or even up some stairs, but not the kind of stairs that goes all by theirselves cuz people would look at you funny, specially when you come back down reel fast.  Oh, yeah, it's purple and silver, (the bike, not the electric stairs), so part of it matches the new car and the other part of it don't match nothing, unless you happen to park next to a purple car in a parking lot...then it would match that car, but only if it was the same exakt color of purple.

I think it would be reel cool if she would let me put one of those card things on the spoke wires so it makes a lot of noise like a powerful engine and makes people get out of the way reel fast, but I know better than to ask.  It would also be reel cool to put on one of those big radios that some of those kids carry on their shoulders and play some funny music reel loud on the back on a special holder that you can get jest fer that reason.  I seen a pitcher of a kid with a reel cool bicycle like that, and it had all sorts of cool things all over it, like fur on the handlebars, and shiny things coming out of the end where you steer it.  And he also had a great big horn that you squeeze a balloon and it makes a horrible noise that makes people get out of his way reel fast!  He also had a seat with a cover made out of an old tiger that he got somewhere.  I din't know they had tigers in New York, but maybe that's where the last one went.  Anyhow, that would sure make Gloria's bike look cool, but I don't think she's gonna do nothing like that.

If you want to see some reel cool bikes like that, you ken click on the thing below to take you to a reel cool website! 

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Spinnaker Spots Bad Guy

While the old folks was in a store buying something, Spinnaker was looking out the window seeing what he could see, when some guy pulled into tBad guy that Spinnaker caught.he parking spot next to the van and jest parked there, even though the sign said "Handicapped Parking Only." This guy, as shown in the pitcher at the right, that Spinnaker drew with his special pencil that he always carries with him, isn't handicapped. He jest jumped out of his fancy red car and went into the store, and when he came back out he had some of those shiny, blue sunglasses like we seen a guy in the movies wearing.

Spinnaker din't want to get involved, in case the guy had a machine gun in his car, so he jest let him get away and din't blow the horn or nothing. And the rest of us was taking a nap, so we missed it, but the pitcher proves it, so if you see this guy parking in a handicapped parking spot, be careful, he is considered armed and dangerous. We think his car was red, but Spinnaker forgets the names of some colors, so it could have been blue or green or maybe even yellow. It had a Colorado license plate, but he forgot to write down the license number, but it started with a big letter and had some numbers also. Also, the car din't have no roof on it, so the guy musta tried to drive under one of those big trucks like they do in the movies and it tore off his roof.

The guy was reel big, probably over 4 feet tall (everybuddy looks reel big to us, cuz we're all little), and now he will be wearing those blue sunglasses.  If you see him, go ahead and call the cops before he parks in another handicapped parking space.
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