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Beautiful Heading for our Vacation 2002
We jest got back from our latest vacation, and let me tell you, us guys had a reel good time. There's a law that only 4 of us can go on vacation at one time, so the car don't get too crowded. We all took turns counting and we each counted 4 guys, so the following four of us went on vacation: The four of us that went on vacation
Hiram, Sparky, Leroy, Sniffy & Spinnaker. Something looks funny about that list, I keep counting 5 names, but there was only 4 of us there, so I dunno what's going on. Probably one of those computer viruses I guess.

Anyhow, the first day we jest got to Green River, Utah and spent the night in a cool motel, but we din't see no river that was green. Then the next day we got to Las Vegas, Nevada and spent 3 nights at La Pinata Motel, and we reely did have a cool time!

The first thing that happened was that when the old folks went out to check out the town, us guys sneaked out of the room to check out the place. There was a lot of army guys around the place. Not the kind that drives tanks and shoots at things, but the kind that sneaks around looking at things. I don't know what they was looking for, but I guess they din't find it cuz they was all looking in trash cans and everywhere else. I don't think they ever found it cuz they wasLittle tree that grows bananas and coconuts still looking when we left.

Me and Sniffy was behind one of those special trees that grows coconuts and bananas, 'cept that it wasn't very tall like the wild ones and it was sitting in an ugly pot. That's when we found a cool remote control that somebuddy had left behind that little tree. Of course, we took it back to the room to check it out. It had a lot more buttons than the one in the room, but it still worked the TV reel good, and when we pushed one of the buttons it made the air conditioner turn on and off.The cool remote we found.

There was also another button that made some car horns honk and some car lights blink every time we pushed it. I told you it was cool! Some cops showed up in the parking lot to check out all the honking horns and blinking lights, so Spinnaker pushed one of those buttons and it made the siren come on in the cop car, then Leroy pushed another button and the red lights turned on. Pretty soon there was more cops all over the place and the army guys was all over the place acting funny and after a contest of who had the biggest badge, they made the cops leave, cuz their badges was bigger than the cops' badges. Another thing we found out that it would do was there was an extra special button that was reel hard to push, and it turned on a red light that let the user shine it on the wall and it would burn the paint off whatever you shined it on. It must be one of those sekert ray guns that the super heros in the movies use to shoot down space ships.

That evening we sneaked out again and went into the room where they serve breakfast, but at night some guys was sitting around watching a football game and making a lot of noise and yelling at the TV cuz the wrong guy had the ball or something. That's when I pushed one of the buttons and it changed the channel to the cartoon channel.

Wow! What a mess that caused, I'm sure glad we was hiding behind that little tree, cuz everybuddy went crazy and tried to figger out how to change the channel back, but they din't have no remote, so they went looking for whoever at the motel had it. After about 15 minutes a guy showed up and changed the channel back to the football channel. Then they started yelling at the TV again, so I pushed the cartoon channel button again and we started watching cartoons again. Then they went and got the guy with the remote again and changed it back again.

By this time we had figgered out that them guys din't reely want to watch cartoons, so that time I changed to the animal channel to watch the funny animals. That's when we heard one of the guys invite everybuddy to his room so they could watch the football game in peace.

By then I finally realized that we could have some reel fun by messing with the TV in the guy's room, so we headed there after hearing somebuddy tell which room it was. There was another one of those little trees outside of the room, so we hid behind it and tried out the remote to see if it would work through the sure did, and they started yelling again, and they had their own remote, so we had a little contest and our remote finally won when I jest held down the button and it must have made the TV stick on the station where the lady was making some decorations out of torn up paper.

Them guys came boiling out of that room so fast we thought it was some sort of a emergency or something. It sure was funny to us, so that's when we decided to get back to the room before we got caught or something.

The next morning we was hungry so me and Hiram went out foraging for food. The motel has a conintal cantinel continental breakfast, which means free food, so before anybuddy got there and the room was still a little dark, we found a empty donut box on the floor next to the trash can so we quickly got up on the table and threw down a lot of goodies till the box got full. Then we pushed it down the hall to the room. The nice thing was that whenever somebuddy came down the hall and could see us, we jest left the box and hid under the lid and nobuddy even looked at us.

We sure had a good breakfast. And they also had some of those little milk cartons that aren't very big, but there jest right for us. We filled up our donut box and made another trip. They even had some chocolate milk, so we had a reely good milk and pastry party. Nobuddy liked those bagels much, but we used them by having races with them down the stairs, until one of those army guys came by and stepped on Sniffy's bagel and ruined it. We got out of there reel fast, cuz we might have been next!!

The next morning when we went out to the car we discovered that Jim's new bicycle had got stolt during the night. I din't want to say anything, but I guess they din't want Gloria's old bike, cuz they left it sitting in the parking lot. Jim went and bought a new cable lock cuz the other one had gotten cut, and he din't want Gloria's bike to also get stolt.

We left Las Vegas and went to California where Jim bought a new bike jest like the one that got stolt. He also bought a special lock and chain, called a Kryptonite Lock. I guess the deal is that if even Superman can't steal it, then everybuddy else will stay away also. (Continued Below)

Sniffy's Big AdventureCool wild Rat that Sniffy met

While we was at the La Pinata Motel, Sniffy went out exploring and he met one of those reel rats that lives in the wild. Sniffy said the guy was reel cool and told him all about how to get free samples of food and pop out of the vending machines in the motel. He said the guy that fills the machine leaves some of those free samples jest for rats.

So Sniffy decided he was reel hungry so he looked in the candy machine, but there wasn't nothing there but a bunch of funny flavored tater chips like the ones that made him get sick once, so he changed his mind and decided that he was jest thirsty instead. (I know one thing fer sure, if something makes a rat sick, then you don't probably want to eat it yourself!)

Anyhow, Sniffy crawled up into the pop machine and crawled up and down inside looking for what kind he wanted. He stopped to rest in an empty space inside the machine, even though it was reel cold, but he had on his leather biker jacket so it wasn't too bad, he said.

That's when some lady put in her money and pushed the button and Sniffy got pushed out and slid down into the place where the cans land and you take them out of the machine.  The lady started screaming, "There's a big scary vicious rat in the pop machine," over and over and she ran down the hall like as if her tail was on fire, but she din't have no tail.

Well, Sniffy lit out, like rats do whenever something scares them, and he made it back to the room in about 2 seconds. His heart was beating so fast that dust was coming out of his chest! Then we heard a lot of noises out in the hallway, with motel managers and all sorts of people looking things over. They opened the pop machine while about 25 or 16 scared-looking people stood back holding mops and brooms and sticks and other weapons jest in case a pile of rats came pouring out of the machine when they opened it, kinda like that movie where the wild rabbits attacked the little town in Arizona and ate everything up. We laid low after that.

We then went to some Chinese Movie Theater where folks that some people heard of before get their names put into the sidewalk and people from all over theSparky's name on the blank star in front of the Chinese Theater. world come to look at their names.  I guess that some people don't have much else to do, so I went ahead and wrote my name on one of those stars with the special ray gun button on our cool remote, so they can look at my name too. That was reel cool how the red light that squirted out of that cool remote burned the cement in the sidewalk and made it turn blue! We din't go to the Chinese Theater cuz none of us can talk Chinese, and anyway, most of those movies are full of guys yelling at each other and hitting and kicking each other and jumping around and running up the side of a building then beating each other up with pieces of pipes they pulled off the side of the building.

While we was there we went to check out a brand new motel they was still finishing up and I saw that there was about 90 or 83 guys out in the middle with there cell phones all talking at the same time like they was having a Guy still finishing a new motel contest or something.  I pulled out our cool remote and pushed a few of the buttons and made some lights turn on and off and the clock on the bank building across the street went backwards for a little time.  Next thing I knew a bunch of the guys with the cell phones was yelling at their phones and throwing them around like some sort of game or something.  That's when I discovered that that cool remote was messing up their cell phones and making them talk to each other even though they din't want to.  On the way back to the car I pushed a special blue button and I heard a bunch of toilets flush in the restroom we was passing in front of.  COOL!!

That was when I put my rubber brain to work thinking about what else I could do with that cool remote.  I quickly found out that by pushing a green button I could make the traffic light turn green, so I had a lot of fun with that.

I pushed a button with a number on it and a guy at the drive up window of the place where we ate lunch got in a fight when the girl told him he had ordered 84 orders of fries and he said he din't.

The next funniest thing I did was when we was in a traffic jam we pulled up beside one of those little cars with the loud muffler and black windows and a reely loud radio that makes everything shake.  I pointed my cool remote at it and pushed a bunch of the buttons and pretty soon it made the guy's radio change to some old people music, and he reely got mad.  He covered his ears and started pushing some of his own buttons, but every time he got his music back I pushed a certain button on my cool remote and it put that old people music back on again.  I even got some opera music on for a while, but then the guy got whacked out and smacked his radio until some smoke came out of it and it got reel quiet, except for us guys laughing a little but he couldn't hear nothing.  It sure was peaceful until I pushed a button I had never tried before and it made his engine go reel fast and smoke a bunch, so I had some fun with that while also pushing the button that makes car horns blow.  It didn't do nothing to our car cuz it only affects the car that you point it at.

Yessirree, that remote was the coolest thing we ever laid our paws on. None of us had any idea how many things were controlled with one of those.

Frinstance, while the old folks was riding their bikes at the beach we saw a couple of guys driving some special remote control race cars on the beach. Those cars ran on gasoline or rocket fuel or something like that and they went reelLittle racecar that wound up in the ocean.y FAST!  I jest pointed our cool remote that way and started pushing some arrow buttons and the cars took off and threw sand all over the place. Then I pushed a different button and Sniffy pushed two of them at the same time and one of those cars turned and raced into the ocean and the engine blew up or something, cuz it din't run no more when the guy finally got it out of the water. We acksidentally made the other car go tearing through some guy's lunch and it threw sand in his tater salad and ice tea and everything else, and he was hopping mad at the guy who owned the car.

Then Little airplane that messed up a guy's tattoo. we saw another guy flying a remote control airplane that I wished we had so we could fly to Wendy's and get a Frosty, but then that's another story, and maybe we can get one for Christmas or something.  Anyhow, we started pushing buttons again and the plane went flying around crazy and finally crashed into a guy who was getting a tattoo at the end of the parking lot where there was a lot of weerdo-looking people also getting tattoos and holes stabbed into their ears and noses.  Anyway, when theCop who almost caught us airplane hit him, the tattoo machine got bumped and it made a long line through the picture of a snake and he got reel mad!  I'm sure glad we decided to duck down and pertend we was jest stuffed animals cuz a cop came along to see what was going on at the tattoo place and we almost got caught.

That taught us a lesson, and we was much more careful after that, at least about the prospect of getting caught.  We drug a sweater up and kind of hid under it while we was looking for some more excitement.

After the old folks got back from their bike ride we left that beach and they stopped at a burger joint for lunch. There was a bank across the street so Leroy pointed the remote at it and pushed a couple of buttons that we had never pushed. Then Spinnaker pushed another couple of buttons and Sniffy pushed another one, and the alarm went off in the bank and we thought it was getting robbed.  Pretty soon a bunch of cop cars and ambulances and fire trucks and some other funny looking trucks pulled up jest like in the movies, so we put the cool remote away and pertended like we din't know nothing about nothing, cuz that cool remote also made the cop car and ambulance sirens turn on, and they was looking our way.

We had a lot of fun in a traffic jam when we jest started pushing buttons and a lot of horns started blowing in some of the newer cars, and some guys got out of their cars and started fighting right there in the middle of the street. And we also got some more radios to start changing stations and turn up reel loud.  The funniest thing was when the sliding doors on three mini vans started opening and closing and their headlights was turning on and off as long as we kept pushing a couple of special buttons.  That was reely cool, but we almost got caught again.

About a couple of blocks down the street after all the horns stopped and the mini van guys got their doors all shut and locked and the guys got tired of fighting in the street, we ended up in front of one of those big stores with reel big front windows that sells hound-go-rounds (you call them ceiling fans) and I pointed the cool remote and pushed a couple of buttons. They had a funny looking one that looks like those special propellers them old Tom Sawyer boats had on them. Instead of turning around like a airplane perpeller it went like the boat paddle wheel.  Anyhow, when I pushed one of those buttons it took off reel fast. Then I pushed another button and it jumped and shook then took off backwards, and that was reel funny making it go frontwards and backwards then one of the buttons put it into overdrive and it started blowing so hard that papers was blowing around in the store and by then a lot of the other kind of fans was also running reel fast so it must have been like a tornado in there or something cuz the people all ran out of the store like there was some sort of 'mergency or something.  Then the funny looking one started shaking and jumping around and broke the thingy that was holding it onto the roof and it came crashing down. 

We was having so much fun with that cool remote that we almost got caught a couple of more times, but we finally hid it under the seat.

Then we left Los Angeles and went to San Diego. We took the back road instead of the highway so we could keep an eye on the ocean.  I don't know what we was gonna keep an eye on, but it was kinda cool seeing all the fishing boats and other things like boat junk yards and other stuff along the way.

When we got to San Diego we found another La Pinata Motel and spent the night. The breakfast wasn't nothing to take a pitcher of though, jest some dried out bagels and some coffee to match.  They didn't have none of those milk thingys either, jest a old coffee holding jug that had some milk in it and it tasted kinda funny, so we jest drank some water that also tasted kinda funny.

Luckily, the old folks left some munchies in the car, so we ate some Fritos and pretzels.  They tried to find a nice bike trail along the ocean, but it was jest along the side of the highway and there was also some construction in the parking lot for the bike trail so they decided to jest head for Phoenix instead.  That was cool with us cuz it seemed like nothing there responded to our cool remote, except it did make the clock on a bank go backwards, and we had some fun with one of those funny looking big cars that jumps up and down. That guy also got reel mad at the car and his radio and jumped out and ran away to the side of the street like as if he had a tail and it was on fire.  We made it jump up and down for about five minutes till the old folks got done putting gas in the car.  By then a crowd was gathering looking at that funny looking car jumping up and down and the horn blowing and the radio playing old people music reel loud.  I hope it din't get stuck, cuz we wasn't mad at the guy even though we din't specially like his music that he had on.

By the time we got to Phoenix us guys had all had our four hour naps out of the way and we was ready for some action, so we got out our cool remote and started looking for things to test it out on.

By then it wasn't much fun messing with clocks and cars any more, but then we saw one of those outdoor TV signs that they put on some big buildings so they can announce something special going on.  So we changed that sign on the front of a big shopping center.  It said something like, "Winter Clearance Sale at The Big Shirt Store."

When we got done, it said, "Free Corndogs & Rootbeer, No Cats Allowed!"

There was also a big bank building near our motel, and we also changed their stock market sign that made messages run all around the building. Instead of showing a lot of funny looking numbers, we changed it to read, "Free Corndogs & Rootbeer with every new account, No Cats Allowed!"

Then we all thought about it and changed it again, to read, "Sparky & Sniffy & Leroy & Spinnaker & Hiram Was Here, No Cats Allowed!"

There was a nice bike trail through Phoenix and the old folks went on a long bike ride. Phoenix had a dried up river bed that they used for a bunch of golf places and a bike trail running along the side.  That was interesting cuz golf people always look mean every time a bike goes by. Like maybe the people on the bikes are having some fun instead of playing golf.  Maybe they're jest grumpy people.  That bike trail parking lot wasn't much fun cuz there wasn't nothing that we could work with the cool remote until some kid came by on a skateboard and we got his little radio to change stations then we got it to eject the shiny record he was listening to and it fell to the ground and rolled into a pond where some ducks was pecking at it.

We spent another night in Phoenix then we left in the morning and went to Albuquerque and spent the night there in another La Pinata Motel. This one jest had the usual stuff to mess with, so we got bored pretty fast and was jest looking out the window at one of those big lifting things that I think they call a Crane or something like that that they use to lift big things up in the air Crane that we messed with.when they're building a big building. It was Saturday and they wasn't working it and they always put one of those air blowing things [Air Compressor] on the hook and lift it up reel high in the air so nobuddy don't mess with it or steel all the air out of it or something like that. (You know, one of those air blowing things that they hook hoses up to and it makes one of those hammer things that digs up the street go reel fast and make a lot of noise and sparks).

To find out more about the Tower Crane, click below: 

Anyhow, we got to messing around with our cool remote and Leroy pointed it at that Crane thing and it started moving the air-blowing thing up and down. Then I pushed another button and it started turning around and around, kinda like a fan or hound-go-round or something like that.  Then I pushed another button and it stopped and took off the other way and went reely fast and we couldn't make it stop. It was sure cool how the air blowing thing was flying out and hitting some big trees and making branches fly all over the place!

Pretty soon a guy in a little cop truck came along and got out and was looking at how fast it was going and he musta not knew how to turn the thing off so pretty soon he was on his little phone calling somebuddy and a lot of people was going over to the fence to watch the thing, and by then it was reely flying. I mean the air blower on the end of the hook was reely flying like those kids do when they're on one of those rides we saw at a musement park the time we was in New York and went to the place where they make those Coney Island Hot Dogs. If I was him I woulda jest got out my great big gun and shot it a couple of times to make it stop. It was sure cool watching all the action, but pretty soon a guy in a big rich guy car raced into the parking lot and he jumped out of the car and ran over to some lektrikal looking things on the side of a phone pole and he did something and it made the crane start slowing down.

That was so funny we all laughed so hard that a couple of us almost choked. It was specially funny for our two new brothers, Zigger and Ace who wasn't used to getting involved in shenanigans like the rest of us do.

Then Spinnaker ackisidently bumped one of the buttons on our cool remote and it made the red light and siren on the little cop truck start going and the cop guy had to open the hood and hit something with his gun to make it stop.

That was pretty much all that happened on our trip. On our way through Colorado Springs we saw a big tower that looked kinda likrish likrischickal elecktrikal, so Leroy pointed our cool remote at it and pushed one of the special buttons and a bunch of sparks shot out of where the remote buttons are and a little smoke came out of where the batteries go. We don't know what happened, but that was the end of our cool remote. It never would work again, so after we got home and tried it another couple of times and I typed into the WWW machine to see if anybuddy had any answers, but it was jest burned up inside, so we jest threw it out the next time we went for a ride and we gave it one more test when the old folks went to eat breakfast at our favorite breakfast place. We threw it out in the parking lot cuz they din't have no trash cans near the car.

What a bummer, cuz we keep thinking of new things we want to try with that cool remote.

Like frinstance, right after we found it, Jim had a crick in his neck and Hiram pointed that cool remote at his neck and pushed the button that said, "Fix," and Jim's neck got all better about 2 weeks later, so we really wanted to check out the health benefits.

Latest News After we got home for a while we was watching the news and the guy showed a pitcher of our cool remote and said that the "Model XLZ-23 Military Universal Remote" that had turned up missing in Las Vegas, Nevada, had been located in a parking lot in Arvada, Colorado. The guy said that somebody had burned it up inside and it was now useless. They had checked it for fingerprints, but as we all know, us stuffed animals don't leave no fingerprints. They did say that they had found some strange nylon fibers all over it, and then the guy started laughing, and said, "Maybe a Teddy Bear stolt it!"

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Our New Brothers

While we was on the way back from a bike ride the old folks stopped in to the stuffed animal store where Cal and some of the others came from a couple of years ago, and two new guys came out with them.

The pitcher at top right shows our newest brother, named "Ace," he's the one on the left. The other feller has been around for a while, and his name is "Slapper."

Ace told us he was an airplane driver, but when we showed him a pitcher of a airplane he said that didn't look like the one he used to drive. When he saw a train going along on the tracks beside the bike trail, he said, "There's a airplane like I used to drive."

In the pitcher at bottom is another new brother, named "Zigger," and he went to live at our cousin Ralph's house cuz he's reel long and don't fit on the couch very good.  Return to Article

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This here's Ace on the left and Slapper on the right
Our newest brother, "Zigger"


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