We jest got back from our latest vacation, and let
me tell you, us guys had a reel good time. There's a law that only 4 of
us can go on vacation at one time, so the car don't get too crowded. We
all took turns counting and we each counted 4 guys, so the following
four of us went on vacation: 
Hiram, Sparky, Leroy, Sniffy & Spinnaker. Something looks funny
about that list, I keep counting 5 names, but there was only 4 of us
there, so I dunno what's going on. Probably one of those computer
viruses I guess.
Anyhow, the first day we jest got to Green River,
Utah and spent the night in a cool motel, but we din't see no river that
was green. Then the next day we got to Las Vegas, Nevada and spent 3
nights at La Pinata Motel, and we reely did have a cool time!
The first thing that happened was that when the
old folks went out to check out the town, us guys sneaked out of the
room to check out the place. There was a lot of army guys around the
place. Not the kind that drives tanks and shoots at things, but the kind
that sneaks around looking at things. I don't know what they was looking
for, but I guess they din't find it cuz they was all looking in trash
cans and everywhere else. I don't think they ever found it cuz they was
still looking when we left.
Me and Sniffy was behind one of those special
trees that grows coconuts and bananas, 'cept that it wasn't very tall
like the wild ones and it was sitting in an ugly pot. That's when we
found a cool remote control that somebuddy had left behind that little
tree. Of course, we took it back to the room to check it out. It had a
lot more buttons than the one in the room, but it still worked the TV
reel good, and when we pushed one of the buttons it made the air
conditioner turn on and off.
There was also another button that made some car
horns honk and some car lights blink every time we pushed it. I told you
it was cool! Some cops showed up in the parking lot to check out all the
honking horns and blinking lights, so Spinnaker pushed one of those
buttons and it made the siren come on in the cop car, then Leroy pushed
another button and the red lights turned on. Pretty soon there was more
cops all over the place and the army guys was all over the place acting
funny and after a contest of who had the biggest badge, they made the
cops leave, cuz their badges was bigger than the cops' badges. Another
thing we found out that it would do was there was an extra special
button that was reel hard to push, and it turned on a red light that let
the user shine it on the wall and it would burn the paint off whatever
you shined it on. It must be one of those sekert ray guns that the super
heros in the movies use to shoot down space ships.
That evening we sneaked out again and went into
the room where they serve breakfast, but at night some guys was sitting
around watching a football game and making a lot of noise and yelling at
the TV cuz the wrong guy had the ball or something. That's when I pushed
one of the buttons and it changed the channel to the cartoon channel.
Wow! What a mess that caused, I'm sure glad we was
hiding behind that little tree, cuz everybuddy went crazy and tried to
figger out how to change the channel back, but they din't have no
remote, so they went looking for whoever at the motel had it. After
about 15 minutes a guy showed up and changed the channel back to the
football channel. Then they started yelling at the TV again, so I pushed
the cartoon channel button again and we started watching cartoons again.
Then they went and got the guy with the remote again and changed it back
again.
By this time we had figgered out that them guys
din't reely want to watch cartoons, so that time I changed to the animal
channel to watch the funny animals. That's when we heard one of the guys
invite everybuddy to his room so they could watch the football game in
peace.
By then I finally realized that we could have
some reel fun by messing with the TV in the guy's room, so we headed
there after hearing somebuddy tell which room it was. There was another
one of those little trees outside of the room, so we hid behind it and
tried out the remote to see if it would work through the door...it sure
did, and they started yelling again, and they had their own remote, so
we had a little contest and our remote finally won when I jest held down
the button and it must have made the TV stick on the station where the
lady was making some decorations out of torn up paper.
Them guys came boiling out of that room so fast we
thought it was some sort of a emergency or something. It sure was funny
to us, so that's when we decided to get back to the room before we got
caught or something.
The next morning we was hungry so me and Hiram went out foraging for
food. The motel has a conintal cantinel continental breakfast, which means free food, so
before anybuddy got there and the room was still a little dark, we found
a empty donut box on the floor next to the trash can so we quickly got
up on the table and threw down a lot of goodies till the box got full.
Then we pushed it down the hall to the room. The nice thing was that
whenever somebuddy came down the hall and could see us, we jest left the
box and hid under the lid and nobuddy even looked at us. We sure had a
good breakfast. And they also had some of those little milk cartons that
aren't very big, but there jest right for us. We filled up our donut box
and made another trip. They even had some chocolate milk, so we had a
reely good milk and pastry party. Nobuddy liked those bagels much, but
we used them by having races with them down the stairs, until one of
those army guys came by and stepped on Sniffy's bagel and ruined it. We
got out of there reel fast, cuz we might have been next!! The next
morning when we went out to the car we discovered that Jim's new bicycle
had got stolt during the night. I din't want to say anything, but I
guess they din't want Gloria's old bike, cuz they left it sitting in the
parking lot. Jim went and bought a new cable lock cuz the other one had
gotten cut, and he din't want Gloria's bike to also get stolt. We
left Las Vegas and went to California where Jim bought a new bike jest
like the one that got stolt. He also bought a special lock and chain,
called a Kryptonite Lock. I guess the deal is that if even Superman
can't steal it, then everybuddy else will stay away also. (Continued
Below)
Sniffy's
Big Adventure
While we was at the La
Pinata Motel, Sniffy went out exploring and he met one of those
reel rats that lives in the wild. Sniffy said the guy was reel
cool and told him all about how to get free samples of food and
pop out of the vending machines in the motel. He said the guy that
fills the machine leaves some of those free samples jest for rats.
So Sniffy decided he was
reel hungry so he looked in the candy machine, but there wasn't
nothing there but a bunch of funny flavored tater chips like the
ones that made him get sick once, so he changed his mind and
decided that he was jest thirsty instead. (I know one thing fer
sure, if something makes a rat sick, then you don't probably want
to eat it yourself!)
Anyhow, Sniffy crawled up
into the pop machine and crawled up and down inside looking for
what kind he wanted. He stopped to rest in an empty space inside
the machine, even though it was reel cold, but he had on his
leather biker jacket so it wasn't too bad, he said.
That's when some lady put in
her money and pushed the button and Sniffy got pushed out and slid
down into the place where the cans land and you take them out of
the machine. The lady started screaming, "There's a big
scary vicious rat in the pop machine," over and over and she
ran down the hall like as if her tail was on fire, but she din't
have no tail.
Well, Sniffy lit out, like
rats do whenever something scares them, and he made it back to the
room in about 2 seconds. His heart was beating so fast that dust
was coming out of his chest! Then we heard a lot of noises out in
the hallway, with motel managers and all sorts of people looking
things over. They opened the pop machine while about 25 or 16
scared-looking people stood back holding mops and brooms and
sticks and other weapons jest in case a pile of rats came pouring
out of the machine when they opened it, kinda like that movie
where the wild rabbits attacked the little town in Arizona and ate
everything up. We laid low after that. |
We then went to
some Chinese Movie Theater where folks that some people heard of before get their names put
into the sidewalk and people from all over the world come to look at
their names. I guess that some people don't have much else to do,
so I went ahead and wrote my name on one of those stars with the special
ray gun button on our cool remote, so they can look
at my name too. That was reel cool how the red light that squirted out
of that cool remote burned the cement in the sidewalk and made it turn
blue! We din't go to the Chinese Theater cuz none of us can talk Chinese, and
anyway, most of those movies are full of guys yelling at each other and
hitting and kicking each other and jumping around and running up the
side of a building then beating each other up with pieces of pipes they
pulled off the side of the building. While we was there we went to check out a brand new
motel they was still finishing up and I saw that there was about 90 or
83 guys out in the middle with there cell phones all talking at the same
time like they was having a  contest or something. I pulled out our
cool remote and pushed a few of the buttons and made some lights turn on
and off and the clock on the bank building across the street went
backwards for a little time. Next thing I knew a bunch of the guys
with the cell phones was yelling at their phones and throwing them
around like some sort of game or something. That's when I
discovered that that cool remote was messing up their cell phones and
making them talk to each other even though they din't want to. On
the way back to the car I pushed a special blue button and I heard a
bunch of toilets flush in the restroom we was passing in front of.
COOL!! That was when I put my rubber brain to work thinking about what
else I could do with that cool remote. I quickly found out that by
pushing a green button I could make the traffic light turn green, so I
had a lot of fun with that. I pushed a button with a number on it and
a guy at the drive up window of the place where we ate lunch got in a
fight when the girl told him he had ordered 84 orders of fries and he
said he din't. The next funniest thing I did
was when we was in a traffic jam we pulled up beside one of those little
cars with the loud muffler and black windows and a reely loud radio that
makes everything shake. I pointed my cool remote at it and pushed
a bunch of the buttons and pretty soon it made the guy's radio change to
some old people music, and he reely got mad. He covered his ears
and started pushing some of his own buttons, but every time he got his
music back I pushed a certain button on my cool remote and it put that
old people music back on again. I even got some opera music on for
a while, but then the guy got whacked out and smacked his radio until
some smoke came out of it and it got reel quiet, except for us guys
laughing a little but he couldn't hear nothing. It sure was
peaceful until I pushed a button I had never tried before and it made
his engine go reel fast and smoke a bunch, so I had some fun with that
while also pushing the button that makes car horns blow. It didn't
do nothing to our car cuz it only affects the car that you point it at. Yessirree,
that remote was the coolest thing we ever laid our paws on. None of us
had any idea how many things were controlled with one of those. Frinstance,
while the old folks was riding their bikes at the beach we saw a couple
of guys driving some special remote control race cars on the beach. Those cars ran on
gasoline or rocket fuel or something like that and they went reel y
FAST! I jest pointed our cool remote that way and started pushing
some arrow buttons and the cars took off and threw sand all over the
place. Then I pushed a different button and Sniffy pushed two of them at
the same time and one of those cars turned and raced into the ocean and
the engine blew up or something, cuz it din't run no more when the guy
finally got it out of the water. We acksidentally made the other car go
tearing through some guy's lunch and it threw sand in his tater salad
and ice tea and everything else, and he was hopping mad at the guy who
owned the car. Then  we saw another guy
flying a remote control airplane that I wished we had so we could fly to
Wendy's and get a Frosty, but then that's another story, and maybe we
can get one for Christmas or something. Anyhow, we started pushing
buttons again and the plane went flying around crazy and finally crashed
into a guy who was getting a tattoo at the end of the parking lot where
there was a lot of weerdo-looking people also getting tattoos and holes
stabbed into their ears and noses. Anyway, when the airplane hit
him, the tattoo machine got bumped and it made a long line through the
picture of a snake and he got reel mad! I'm sure glad we decided
to duck down and pertend we was jest stuffed animals cuz a cop came
along to see what was going on at the tattoo place and we almost got
caught. That taught us a lesson, and we was
much more careful after that, at least about the prospect of getting
caught. We drug a sweater up and kind of hid under it while we was
looking for some more excitement. After the
old folks got back from their bike ride we left that beach and they
stopped at a burger joint for lunch. There was a bank across the street
so Leroy pointed the remote at it and pushed a couple of buttons that we
had never pushed. Then Spinnaker pushed another couple of buttons and
Sniffy pushed another one, and the alarm went off in the bank and we
thought it was getting robbed. Pretty soon a bunch of cop cars and
ambulances and fire trucks and some other funny looking trucks pulled up
jest like in the movies, so we put the cool remote away and pertended
like we din't know nothing about nothing, cuz that cool remote also made
the cop car and ambulance sirens turn on, and they was looking our way. We
had a lot of fun in a traffic jam when we jest started pushing buttons
and a lot of horns started blowing in some of the newer cars, and some
guys got out of their cars and started fighting right there in the
middle of the street. And we also got some
more radios to start changing stations and turn up reel loud. The funniest thing was when
the sliding doors on three mini vans started opening and closing and
their headlights was turning on and off as long as we kept pushing a
couple of special buttons. That was reely cool, but we almost got
caught again. About a couple of blocks down
the street after all the horns stopped and the mini van guys got their
doors all shut and locked and the guys got tired of fighting in the
street, we ended up in front of one of those big stores
with reel big front windows that sells hound-go-rounds (you call
them ceiling fans) and I pointed the cool remote and pushed a couple of
buttons. They had a funny looking one that looks like those special
propellers them old Tom Sawyer boats had on them. Instead of turning
around like a airplane perpeller it went like the boat paddle
wheel. Anyhow, when I pushed one of those buttons it took off reel
fast. Then I pushed another button and it jumped and shook then took off
backwards, and that was reel funny making it go frontwards and backwards
then one of the buttons put it into overdrive and it started blowing so
hard that papers was blowing around in the store and by then a lot of
the other kind of fans was also running reel fast so it must have been like a
tornado in there or something cuz the people all ran out of the store
like there was some sort of 'mergency or something. Then the funny
looking one started shaking and jumping around and broke the thingy that
was holding it onto the roof and it came crashing down. We
was having so much fun with that cool remote that we almost got caught a
couple of more times, but we finally hid it under the seat. Then
we left Los Angeles and went to San Diego. We took the back road instead
of the highway so we could keep an eye on the ocean. I don't know
what we was gonna keep an eye on, but it was kinda cool seeing all the
fishing boats and other things like boat junk yards and other stuff
along the way. When we got to San Diego we
found another La Pinata Motel and spent the night. The breakfast wasn't
nothing to take a pitcher of though, jest some dried out bagels and some
coffee to match. They didn't have none of those milk thingys
either, jest a old coffee holding jug that had some milk in it and it
tasted kinda funny, so we jest drank some water that also tasted kinda
funny. Luckily, the old folks left some
munchies in the car, so we ate some Fritos and pretzels. They tried to find a nice bike trail along the ocean, but it
was jest along the side of the highway and there was also some
construction in the parking lot for the bike trail so they decided to
jest head for Phoenix instead. That was cool with us cuz it seemed
like nothing there responded to our cool remote, except it did make the
clock on a bank go backwards, and we had some fun with one of those
funny looking big cars that jumps up and down. That guy also got reel
mad at the car and his radio and jumped out and ran away to the side of
the street like as if he had a tail and it was on fire. We made it
jump up and down for about five minutes till the old folks got done
putting gas in the car. By then a crowd was gathering looking at
that funny looking car jumping up and down and the horn blowing and the
radio playing old people music reel loud. I hope it din't get
stuck, cuz we wasn't mad at the guy even though we din't specially like
his music that he had on. By the time we got
to Phoenix us guys had all had our four hour naps out of the way and we
was ready for some action, so we got out our cool remote and started
looking for things to test it out on. By
then it wasn't much fun messing with clocks and cars any more, but then
we saw one of those outdoor TV signs that they put on some big buildings
so they can announce something special going on. So we changed
that sign on the front of a big shopping center. It said something
like, "Winter Clearance Sale at The Big Shirt Store." When
we got done, it said, "Free Corndogs & Rootbeer, No Cats
Allowed!" There was also a big bank
building near our motel, and we also changed their stock market sign
that made messages run all around the building. Instead of showing a lot
of funny looking numbers, we changed it to read, "Free Corndogs
& Rootbeer with every new account, No Cats Allowed!" Then
we all thought about it and changed it again, to read, "Sparky
& Sniffy & Leroy & Spinnaker & Hiram Was Here, No Cats
Allowed!" There was a nice bike trail
through Phoenix and the old folks went on a long bike ride. Phoenix had a
dried up river bed that they used for a bunch of golf places and a bike
trail running along the side. That was interesting cuz golf people
always look mean every time a bike goes by. Like maybe the people on the
bikes are having some fun instead of playing golf. Maybe they're
jest grumpy people. That bike trail parking lot wasn't much fun
cuz there wasn't nothing that we could work with the cool remote until some kid came by on a skateboard and we got his little radio to
change stations then we got it to eject the shiny record he was listening to and
it fell to the ground and rolled into a pond where some ducks was
pecking at it. We spent another night in
Phoenix then we left in the morning and went to Albuquerque and spent
the night there in another La Pinata Motel. This one jest had the usual
stuff to mess with, so we got bored pretty fast and was jest looking out
the window at one of those big lifting things that I think they call a
Crane or something like that that they use to lift big things up in the
air  when
they're building a big building. It was Saturday and they wasn't working
it and they always put one of those air blowing things [Air
Compressor] on the hook and
lift it up reel high in the air so nobuddy don't mess with it or steel
all the air out of it or something like that. (You know, one of those
air blowing things that they hook hoses up to and it makes one of those
hammer things that digs up the street go reel fast and make a lot of
noise and sparks). To find out more about
the Tower Crane, click below: http://www.howstuffworks.com/tower-crane.htm Anyhow, we got to messing
around with our cool remote and Leroy pointed it at that Crane thing and
it started moving the air-blowing thing up and down. Then I pushed
another button and it started turning around and around, kinda like a
fan or hound-go-round or something like that. Then I pushed
another button and it stopped and took off the other way and went reely
fast and we couldn't make it stop. It was sure cool how the air blowing
thing was flying out and hitting some big trees and making branches fly
all over the place! Pretty soon a guy in a
little cop truck came along and got out and was looking at how fast it
was going and he musta not knew how to turn the thing off so pretty soon
he was on his little phone calling somebuddy and a lot of people was
going over to the fence to watch the thing, and by then it was reely
flying. I mean the air blower on the end of the hook was reely flying
like those kids do when they're on one of those rides we saw at a
musement park the time we was in New York and went to the place where
they make those Coney Island Hot Dogs. If I was him I woulda jest got
out my great big gun and shot it a couple of times to make it stop. It
was sure cool watching all the action, but pretty soon a guy in a big
rich guy car raced into the parking lot and he jumped out of the car and
ran over to some lektrikal looking things on the side of a phone pole
and he did something and it made the crane start slowing down. That
was so funny we all laughed so hard that a couple of us almost choked.
It was specially funny for our two new brothers, Zigger
and Ace who wasn't used to getting
involved in shenanigans like the rest of us do. Then
Spinnaker ackisidently bumped one of the buttons on our cool remote and
it made the red light and siren on the little cop truck start going and
the cop guy had to open the hood and hit something with his gun to make
it stop. That was pretty much all that
happened on our trip. On our way through Colorado Springs we saw a big
tower that looked kinda likrish likrischickal elecktrikal, so Leroy pointed our cool remote at
it and pushed one of the special buttons and a bunch of sparks shot out
of where the remote buttons are and a little smoke came out of where the
batteries go. We don't know what happened, but that was the end of our
cool remote. It never would work again, so after we got home and tried
it another couple of times and I typed into the WWW machine to see if
anybuddy had any answers, but it was jest burned up inside, so we jest
threw it out the next time we went for a ride and we gave it one more
test when the old folks went to eat breakfast at our favorite breakfast
place. We threw it out in the parking lot cuz they din't have no trash
cans near the car. What a bummer, cuz we keep
thinking of new things we want to try with that cool remote. Like
frinstance, right after we found it, Jim had a crick in his neck and
Hiram pointed that cool remote at his neck and pushed the button that
said, "Fix," and Jim's neck got all better about 2 weeks
later, so we really wanted to check out the health benefits. Latest
News After we got home for
a while we was watching the news and the guy showed a pitcher of our
cool remote and said that the "Model XLZ-23 Military Universal
Remote" that had turned up missing in Las Vegas, Nevada, had been
located in a parking lot in Arvada, Colorado. The guy said that somebody had
burned it up inside and it was now useless. They had checked it for
fingerprints, but as we all know, us stuffed animals don't leave no
fingerprints. They did say that they had found some strange nylon fibers
all over it, and then the guy started laughing, and said, "Maybe a
Teddy Bear stolt it!"
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