After we got back from our Vacation
2002 the old folks was mad at the car cuz it was too small,
specially with all us guys stacked up in the back seat, so they went
looking fer a bigger car, but not a Buick or Oldsmobile, or other big
car like them Mafia guys ride around in. Instead, they checked out
some of them little vans, but not them ones that keep having
transmission problems and leak oil all
over the place, or squirt out smoke.
They bought a Honda Odyssey. The
pitcher at the right shows one jest like it, 'cept that
it isn't gold, cuz it's silver instead, and there ain't no lake in the
back of it unless it gets parked in front of a lake like in the
pitcher. The main reason it's silver is that was the only one they
had in stock and it would have took a long time to get one that was
another color. And, silver was the color Gloria wanted anyway.
It's reel cool, it has remote control doors and door locks, and a
special button sticking out of the ceiling that makes the gerage door
open and close. It also has a air conditioner so us guys don't get
sweaty this summer if we go for a ride or vacation.
It's also reel big so lots of us
guys can go on rides without getting into trubble or getting on nobody's
nerves. It also has dark windows like them little cars with the
loud mufflers, but it don't have no loud mufflers or nothing, but it has
a reel loud radio that also plays them shiny records that have music on
them. So far everybuddy likes it, so look fer updates here
in case one of us gets in trubble or something.
Jim also got a trailer hitch put
on the back so then he went and got a Frankenstein looking bike rack so
the hitch has something to hold. I guess it's better on the back
cuz if the rack was on the roof the van wouldn't fit in the gerage
without hitting the door with the bikes. We heard a guy at a bike shop
and he was buying some new bikes and his car roof was all banged up cuz
he fergot and pulled into a bank drive-up window and the roof of the
place was pertty low and the bikes din't make it. Neither did the
lights at the bank, so he was probably also shopping fer some of them
Another Funny Story that I
heard while the old folks was buying the new car was a feller came into
the showroom where I was sneaking around looking for a good snack that
somebuddy might have left unattended somewhere. I'll tell this story as
good as I can, but jest from memory cuz I din't have no paper to right
it down when it happened.
Anyhow, this feller was reel mad
cuz he had jest got his new Honda Odyssey van and jest had it fer a few
days when he went to a popular restaurant fer dinner and he got there
early so he took the first parking spot right next to the driveway
entrance. It was on a little hill so he put on the hammergency
brake (some people call it a "parking brake"), so it wouldn't
Then when he came out from dinner
he backed out of the parking spot into the crowded parking lot and tried
to drive out forward, but the car wouldn't move. He tried backing up
some more and it went, but then it wouldn't go frontwards again. So he
backed up some more and it still wouldn't move frontwards cuz when you
put on the hammergency brake it holds the wheels locked pretty good
frontwards, but you ken still back up if you push down on the gas pedal
By then people was waiting to get
out of the parking lot, but he had the entire driveway blocked, and they
all decided to blow their horns to make his hammergency brake go off so
he could get out of their way, but that din't work. He kept looking for
the little handle that lets the hammergency brake turn loose, but he
guessed that whoever was sposed to put in that little handle musta
forgot it on his car, cuz even with a flashlight he couldn't find
it. About twelve or seven of the people that was trying to get out
of the driveway also couldn't find that handle either, not even with one
of them BIG flashlights that holds about 17 batteries. One big guy tried
to pull on the pedal and make it release, but he jest bent it a little.
Some lady said, "Did you read
the directions in your operator's manual?" (Three guys told her to
By then a couple of them 4-wheel
SUV guys got mad and jest took off over the curb and through the lot
full of junk next to the restaurant and they was having a reel good time
going 4-wheeling and crashing into old stoves and washing machines and
refrigerators, but then they got bored and left by driving off over a
big pile of old broke up cement that was put there to keep people out of
Then some guy in a
four-wheel-drive little car thought he could follow them cuz he also had
four-wheel-drive, but about the time he hit the first piece of junk a
tire blew out cuz a piece of metal stuck in it and it was going round
and round and hitting his fender and making a lot of noise and the crowd
started cheering. He musta been afraid of getting stuck, so he took off
reel fast and went fer that big pile of broke up cement and by the time
he got over it there was smoke squirting out of everything that smoke
could squirt out of and the engine was making a lot of funny noises, and
it musta been reel cool, but he did finally get out of that junk lot. He
didn't take no time to try for any of those appliances, though.
Back at the Honda Odyssey, people
was also getting steamed up and somebuddy went and called the restaurant
manager to tell on the guy who was blocking the driveway. The restaurant
manager was a reel smart guy, and said, "Everybuddy get out of the
way and let me take a look at that hammergency brake."
Somebuddy back in the growing
crowd said, "We already tried looking at it. Maybe we need
somebuddy that can do something about it."
After some careful looking,
the restaurant manager got back out of the car and stood up and his hair
was hanging on the turn signal handle. I think the guy called it a wig
or something, and everybuddy started laughing, then a voice in the crowd
said, "Look, everybuddy, the car jest scalped the poor guy!"
Then somebuddy called the Honda
store and got aholt of a lady that told him to jest push the hammergency
brake pedal again and it will release.
Then the guy in the showroom was
asking about who was gonna pay fer all the damage to the different guy's
little four-wheel-drive car that ended up in the junk yard cuz it was
too tore up to fix.
The end of the story was that the
struktions fer using the hammergency brake are right in the operator's
manual in the car, and it told right there how to make it release, so it
wasn't nobuddy's fault.
I wonder if anybuddy wants
somebuddy to pay fer an old refrigerator that one of the 4-wheel SUV
guys might have backed into when they was having fun?? I sure wished I
coulda been there!!!
FLASH: The new car,
new bike rack, and Jim's newest bike, all made Gloria's bike look reel
bad, so she finally went and bought a new one!
It's called a "Giant"
Bike, but you don't have top be a giant to buy one, jest have the money.
(Although, the guy that stolt Jim's bike [Not this newest one, but the
other new one] din't need no money, jest a big pliers thing to cut the
cable). Gloria's new bike is even cooler than her old one, cuz
it's got springs in the front thingy that holds the front wheel and also
another spring thingy in the pipe that holds the seat. That way you ken
drive over all sorts of bad bumps and it don't shake up your bones. And
it's got about a hunnert gears so you ken probably drive it right up the
side of a mountain or even up some stairs, but not the kind of stairs
that goes all by theirselves cuz people would look at you funny,
specially when you come back down reel fast. Oh, yeah, it's purple
and silver, (the bike, not the electric stairs), so part of it matches
the new car and the other part of it don't match nothing, unless you
happen to park next to a purple car in a parking lot...then it would
match that car, but only if it was the same exakt color of purple.
I think it would be reel cool if
she would let me put one of those card things on the spoke wires so it
makes a lot of noise like a powerful engine and makes people get out of
the way reel fast, but I know better than to ask. It would also be
reel cool to put on one of those big radios that some of those kids
carry on their shoulders and play some funny music reel loud on the back
on a special holder that you can get jest fer that reason. I seen
a pitcher of a kid with a reel cool bicycle like that, and it had all
sorts of cool things all over it, like fur on the handlebars, and shiny
things coming out of the end where you steer it. And he also had a
great big horn that you squeeze a balloon and it makes a horrible noise
that makes people get out of his way reel fast! He also had a seat
with a cover made out of an old tiger that he got somewhere. I
din't know they had tigers in New York, but maybe that's where the last
one went. Anyhow, that would sure make Gloria's bike look cool,
but I don't think she's gonna do nothing like that.
If you want to see some reel cool
bikes like that, you ken click on the thing below to take you to a reel